Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
