you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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