apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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