Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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