when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
