I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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