At least make sure they are 18
Why
He uses pillows to masturbate.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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