What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
