Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
