I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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