When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
