I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
