she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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