Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
