guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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