Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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