3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
