i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
