you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
