We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
