So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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