I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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