Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
