And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
