woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
