i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
