he puts the penis in happiness.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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