Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
