the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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