First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
