Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
