I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
