Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
