his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
