I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize