End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
