You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
