ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
