fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
