I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just found puke in my bra..
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
