yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
