You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
