Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize