New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize