worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
dude. I can hear the air.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
