i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
