I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
