i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
