hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
