You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
