My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just tell him i said nine months
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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