I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I pour the whiskey from now on
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
