I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
