just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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