ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
