In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
