how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
