I am full of burrito and curiosity
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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