no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
