I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
