You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Alive.
So much puke
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize