I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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