Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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