was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
