Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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