Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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