She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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