I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
