Do vagina's smell?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
