Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I forget how to act sober
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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