the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
