i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
