pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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