I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
