Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
