you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
