I have demons in me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
As shirtless as possible
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
