Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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